I am under some stress these days. Short story: new home, new baby, new business, business runs out of start up capital and now new home and baby but no business! ... This makes me think about those who CHOOSE to have stressful jobs. HOW do they remain sane! People who come to mind: President Obama, brain and heart surgeons, chiefs of firestations, inner-city police officers, Tim Geitner, and Charles Sullenberger....I'm sure I can think of a lot more. Right now, my brain is awash with current events. All I know is that the stress in my life right now, I NEED JESUS! Knowing that without Jesus I would not have salvation is the most stressful thing I can think of.
About 8 years ago my then supervisor, now super friend, asked me in the midst of the stress of a paper I was writing if the outcome would keep me out of heaven. "Umm...I hope not!" Certainly that one question put things in perspective for me....No matter the challenge and no matter the outcome we all have the ability to have all sin washed away and an opportunity to enjoy zero stress in our heavenly home.
I was emailing with my aunt about my current situation not too long ago. She is among the many people championing my husband and me: "If anyone can get through this, you can!" or "You all are strong, you'll get through it!" Yes, I know we will get through it. As with the people in so many of those Bible stories I learned in Sunday School, it is not the destination that I worry about, it is the journey that is painful. One story I think of Jesus' 40 days of temptation in the wilderness with Satin. That would certainly be huge stress!
My temptations right now include finding a job and ceasing to be a stay at home mom (something I have wanted to be since I wanted to be a mom); having my husband take a job he really doesn't want just so we can pay the bills; being prideful and not asking others for help. I'm realizing that through the struggle of stress, I am learning that life is not best journeyed alone, or even with just myself and my spouse, child and close friends, but with Jesus as my guide, leader, and support.
What a friend we have in Jesus!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
These days jobs are at a premium. I have a friend who said that she thanks God every day for her job. What a blessing to have work - especially work that she enjoys!
My husband and I have been having conversations about what is most important: that he find a job teaching or that we are able to stay in our home. Some might think that the trade-off has to do with the salary a teacher makes not making the mortgage payment. No, ours is a modest lifestyle. The decision is about whether we value the type of job or the location most.
Growing up Navy was a commitment to moving. We didn't have a choice. When the Navy said it was time to move, we moved. The question for us now is, do we want to stay in our current community? Do we want to raise our children here badly enough that we stay and have Tim take any job that pays the bills, or do was pursue a specific job, no matter where we might end up?
I, for one, want to stay in South Central PA. We have formed friendships here. We have friends who have children our son's age and we want the children to grow up together, forgetting when exactly they met, because they've been friends their whole lives. I like the fact that grandparents are 90 - 120 minutes away by car. We can get to each other in a pinch, but far enough away we have to call first.
God calls us to live our lives for him. I'm just not sure which path is his. I pray that God gives us clear direction soon, but with a position that both fulfills Tim and pays Tim more than we need.
My husband and I have been having conversations about what is most important: that he find a job teaching or that we are able to stay in our home. Some might think that the trade-off has to do with the salary a teacher makes not making the mortgage payment. No, ours is a modest lifestyle. The decision is about whether we value the type of job or the location most.
Growing up Navy was a commitment to moving. We didn't have a choice. When the Navy said it was time to move, we moved. The question for us now is, do we want to stay in our current community? Do we want to raise our children here badly enough that we stay and have Tim take any job that pays the bills, or do was pursue a specific job, no matter where we might end up
I, for one, want to stay in South Central PA. We have formed friendships here. We have friends who have children our son's age and we want the children to grow up together, forgetting when exactly they met, because they've been friends their whole lives. I like the fact that grandparents are 90 - 120 minutes away by car. We can get to each other in a pinch, but far enough away we have to call first.
God calls us to live our lives for him. I'm just not sure which path is his. I pray that God gives us clear direction soon, but with a position that both fulfills Tim and pays Tim more than we need.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Preparing for a Special Homecoming
My husband, Tim, has been away learning to drive 18-wheelers. This is a nobel profession and something that someone must do, but not how I envisioned my married life being.
When Tim and I got married, we agreed that since neither of us were in the military, we wouldn't have a long-distance relationship. We knew people who had weekend marriages and once a month marriages by choice. However, these days times are tough. Tim was in business for himself in glass art - neon, stained glass, and fused glass. His primary customers were architects and designers. The feedback about his work was great. Everybody who saw it wanted to be a part of it. The only thing is, when nobody is renovating or building, the architects don't hire others to do glass art for non-existant buildings.
Having said that, we need an income. We made a deal when we got married that once we start having children, I would start staying home until atleast the last one starts first grade. By the end of the second week of no work, Tim and I realized that we needed him to get working fast - SO, we decided that Tim learning to drive truck and have a job with the company that does the training.
The last 8 weeks have been rough. The decision to spend 8 weeks apart from one another was VERY last minute. We just weren't ready for all of the things that come with being away from each other for that long. Even harder for Tim is that our son was 5 1/2 months old when he left, but now 7 months old. A lot has changed for the little guy.
Training finishes for Tim in 7 days!! We are so excited. I will be picking him up at the airport on Saturday night! So, now I am working on getting Tim some interviews for the week that he is home. It is my prayer that God has a job prepared for Tim that is local and will pay enough that we can start saving again. We haven't saved for over a year (scarey).
This is the most excited I have been about something (not related to my son) in months. I feel like we are dating again and getting to see my boyfriend that I haven't seen in 2 months. Fortunately, this man is a dedicated husband and father....and a Christian who looks to God to set his path.
Now it is my prayer that Tim stays home with a job nearby that will pay at least 25% more than we need so that we can save money meet our bills and save too.
When Tim and I got married, we agreed that since neither of us were in the military, we wouldn't have a long-distance relationship. We knew people who had weekend marriages and once a month marriages by choice. However, these days times are tough. Tim was in business for himself in glass art - neon, stained glass, and fused glass. His primary customers were architects and designers. The feedback about his work was great. Everybody who saw it wanted to be a part of it. The only thing is, when nobody is renovating or building, the architects don't hire others to do glass art for non-existant buildings.
Having said that, we need an income. We made a deal when we got married that once we start having children, I would start staying home until atleast the last one starts first grade. By the end of the second week of no work, Tim and I realized that we needed him to get working fast - SO, we decided that Tim learning to drive truck and have a job with the company that does the training.
The last 8 weeks have been rough. The decision to spend 8 weeks apart from one another was VERY last minute. We just weren't ready for all of the things that come with being away from each other for that long. Even harder for Tim is that our son was 5 1/2 months old when he left, but now 7 months old. A lot has changed for the little guy.
Training finishes for Tim in 7 days!! We are so excited. I will be picking him up at the airport on Saturday night! So, now I am working on getting Tim some interviews for the week that he is home. It is my prayer that God has a job prepared for Tim that is local and will pay enough that we can start saving again. We haven't saved for over a year (scarey).
This is the most excited I have been about something (not related to my son) in months. I feel like we are dating again and getting to see my boyfriend that I haven't seen in 2 months. Fortunately, this man is a dedicated husband and father....and a Christian who looks to God to set his path.
Now it is my prayer that Tim stays home with a job nearby that will pay at least 25% more than we need so that we can save money meet our bills and save too.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
A New Mommy
As a childless person I always hated hearing "you don't have children, you wouldn't understand." Yes, but, I wanted to say, "I am a human and I have empathy and love God's creation.
Now that I have a son, 6 1/2 months, I think I am starting to "get" what these people were saying to me. When you are fully responsible for another, helpless, human who looks to you for his complete survival, you become engaged in a way that only a parent understands. The responsibility is emense and goes far beyond remembering to feed and diaper this child. Unlike the plants in my house that I forget to water on a weekly basis, this child will learn to crawl and walk, talk and ponder ideas, grow and leave home. I have 16 - 22 years to leave an impression, teaching him what he needs to know and carry with him through life.
Today I learned that there was a killing at my former place of work. I was in the car at the time I learned of it, and my son in the car-seat, so I was not able to grab him and hug him upon learning this information. BUT, I prayed! I prayed for the victim and the alleged murderer. I prayed for the families. I prayed that I will be able to instill Christian values in my son. I prayed that I will show him Godly ways to manage his emotions. I prayed that my husband and I will raise a strong, Christian man.
Then I wondered, what must the attacker's mother be feeling right now? Is she blaming herself, wondering what she could have done differently when she was raising him? What sadness she must feel.
The good news is that we have a heavenly parent who understands all too well what this pain is like as an earthly parent. This is Maundy Thursday and for us it is a time of anticipation. Good Friday is the day that we mourn Jesus' crucifixion, or rather come to appreciate his sacrifice. How it must have grieved God to sacrifice His Son. How it grieves him when we make unwise and unfortunate decisions, as we are all his children.
I thank God for his grace and unfailing love every day, but today on the day that we anticipate the most amazing depiction of love, I thank him even more.
Jesus says in John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave us his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Now that I have a son, 6 1/2 months, I think I am starting to "get" what these people were saying to me. When you are fully responsible for another, helpless, human who looks to you for his complete survival, you become engaged in a way that only a parent understands. The responsibility is emense and goes far beyond remembering to feed and diaper this child. Unlike the plants in my house that I forget to water on a weekly basis, this child will learn to crawl and walk, talk and ponder ideas, grow and leave home. I have 16 - 22 years to leave an impression, teaching him what he needs to know and carry with him through life.
Today I learned that there was a killing at my former place of work. I was in the car at the time I learned of it, and my son in the car-seat, so I was not able to grab him and hug him upon learning this information. BUT, I prayed! I prayed for the victim and the alleged murderer. I prayed for the families. I prayed that I will be able to instill Christian values in my son. I prayed that I will show him Godly ways to manage his emotions. I prayed that my husband and I will raise a strong, Christian man.
Then I wondered, what must the attacker's mother be feeling right now? Is she blaming herself, wondering what she could have done differently when she was raising him? What sadness she must feel.
The good news is that we have a heavenly parent who understands all too well what this pain is like as an earthly parent. This is Maundy Thursday and for us it is a time of anticipation. Good Friday is the day that we mourn Jesus' crucifixion, or rather come to appreciate his sacrifice. How it must have grieved God to sacrifice His Son. How it grieves him when we make unwise and unfortunate decisions, as we are all his children.
I thank God for his grace and unfailing love every day, but today on the day that we anticipate the most amazing depiction of love, I thank him even more.
Jesus says in John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave us his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Welcome!
Welcome to my virtual retreat!
I was inspired to start blogging over the last week by my mother who recommended that I start journaling again, something I haven't done since I was in college 10 years ago. As I was pondering whether to start journaling and how to start up again, as there is just too much to catch up on over the last 10 years. Then, I saw something on TV about how blogging can be intensly personal, and yet help develop a community of supportive peers.
My need to journal now is prompted by the therapy that comes from telling someone (myself in a journal, God in a prayer) about the challenges that come from raising a 6 1/2 month old son more less on my own while my husband drives truck to get us through a recession. The fact is, hit our business hard. A personal retreat, virtual retreat, is a place where I can come and spill the beans, create a space for others to do the same and offer a prayer, words of inspiration, and a good clean joke or two...
I hope you enjoy my virtual retreat!
I was inspired to start blogging over the last week by my mother who recommended that I start journaling again, something I haven't done since I was in college 10 years ago. As I was pondering whether to start journaling and how to start up again, as there is just too much to catch up on over the last 10 years. Then, I saw something on TV about how blogging can be intensly personal, and yet help develop a community of supportive peers.
My need to journal now is prompted by the therapy that comes from telling someone (myself in a journal, God in a prayer) about the challenges that come from raising a 6 1/2 month old son more less on my own while my husband drives truck to get us through a recession. The fact is, hit our business hard. A personal retreat, virtual retreat, is a place where I can come and spill the beans, create a space for others to do the same and offer a prayer, words of inspiration, and a good clean joke or two...
I hope you enjoy my virtual retreat!
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